Change is the only constant.
Change is inevitable; I know that. I just wish that I knew when it was going to come. I wish that for once life would give me a break and be like "Hey, something is going to change and this is what you're going to do about it". Unfortunately, life doesn't give breaks. I just wish that I were more open to these changes. And by that I mean, I wish I were able to adjust to changes and not dwell over the fact that things are different. I want to get on with my life. I know you're thinking, what's so bad about change? Well, I guess there's nothing wrong with change; maybe it's just me. I have a few fears in my life: change, being alone, and the dark. I guess what I'm afraid of is the type of change that will lead to me being alone; and recently, I've been getting that kind of change; it's in every aspect of my life: religion, family, friends, relationships, school, and even work [or lack thereof ].
Don't get me wrong, lately I've been having the time of my life. I have new friends; and while they're great and wonderful people, I can't call any of them best friends. By that I mean, I can't completely confide in them about my life [Well, I guess I could but I choose not to. Only because I haven't known them for very long and I find it a little awkward to pour out my life story when I've only known them for a short period of time; not to mention that this has been the greatest short period of time in my life.]. I guess what it comes down to is I just want my best friends back, plain and simple. And the worst part is they don't even care, and I can't blame them; they have their own lives and I have mine [sort of ]. I just wish I was still a part of their lives, but I'm happy that they're happy and I wish them all the best. But that doesn't take away from the fact that I want them back; and maybe I'm being a little [or maybe a lot ] selfish, but I don't know. I guess it's just a little heart-wrenching.
As far as my family goes, its not really bad I guess I just miss them. My sister Michelle has been living on her own for a few years now; she was my best friend. I mean I shared a room with her for half of my life! My brother Peter just recently moved out a few months ago; and while we're not as close as I am with Michelle, I miss him [and not just because he helped me with my art projects; although that was a plus! ]. Also, I never really get to see my parents. They go to work in the mornings until the evenings, I usually have evening/night classes, and on the weekends they're off doing choir things for Cursillo [ I know its good for my mom, I just miss her ]. And then there's my other sister, she's alright. We always fight, but we kind of forget about it the next hour and then we're okay [it's a love/hate relationship ]. Her kids are alright too [even though they're monsters, I still have love for them.]. And I'm pretty close to my cousins, so that's okay too [we're a tightly knit fambam.]. I miss Ông, Bac Thanh, and Hung [ Rest in Paradise, we miss you.]. I guess it's not as bad in that aspect.
What is there to say about school? It just sucks and I wish I could quit, but I'm excited for it to get started again. This semester I vow to be strong, procrastinate less, and apply myself more. If I don't, you can punch me in the face. :] No joke. I really need to start concentrating. I need to finish!
I need to get a job. I don't like these temporary jobs nor do I like working seasonal. I want to be kept. :[ -sigh. I want a "normal" job.
Relationships are confusing, especially ours. We're constantly changing, although we don't think we are. We've been through so many things. I don't know how to take a step back. Actually, to be honest, I thought we were taking a step forward; but I guess I was wrong. I hope we can make it through this storm, I really do. I love you, more than you know.
Religion; that's always a touchy subject for me. Only because it's so important to me. If it's so important to me, why do I keep making up lame excuses to not go? I'm a sorry excuse for a Catholic, but I know that You will not forsake me. I know that I can trust in You, believe in You, give my everything to You; You are my foundation, my strength, my sanity. I will find a way to get back to You [I have to, I need to.].
Medicine is finally kicking in .. good morning.
Later days.
