Easier Said Than Done. [Nine] [Day 2]

Smack Into You.

It's the end of day 2, and its 12:45am. Today definitely was not easy. I feel anxious and depressed. I think I am making the biggest decision in my life thus far right now, but I have no one to talk to about it. I am scared to death, but at the same time completely looking forward to it. But I still need someone to talk me through it. I don't mean to sound lame and immature but I really need a hand to hold at the moment. Today, in my human sexuality class, we had a guest speaker. His name was Kyle, and he is a transgender. It was really interesting, I think I learned a lot. I've always thought myself to be a pretty open minded person, but I think today I am more so than I was before. His story was really intriguing; I loved that he was excited about his life and loved it so much that he would talk to others about it openly. He was talking about how he was confused about his life. and it kind of hit home because I'm confused about my life [ perhaps not in the same way he was confused, but confused nonetheless ]. I am kind of at a crossroads in my life right now; I'm not completely sure where my life is headed [ especially now ].

I don't know if my major of choice is the right one for me, but at the same time I think that it is. I also feel like I chose Graphic Design because this is all I know [and to be honest, I don't know much ] but I also want to create something to share. I know that I don't have to be a Graphic Designer to create something... but I don't know. I guess that's what I want to do. Sounds confusing =|.

Today, someone asked me if I was happy with my life. I could have told the truth and told them what was really on my mind, but I said, "Yeah, sure." To be honest, no I'm not happy. Don't get me wrong, I am happy with certain things in my life but not happy with my life in general. I think it could be a lot better. So why did I lie? I guess because nothing would come out of it. I'd say, "No, I'm not happy," and then what? It's kind of pointless in my opinion. Because people don't generally care, but there are the exceptions. In my opinion, I feel like people only ask those types of questions because they want to seem like they care when they really don't. But I guess I could be wrong. Like I said, there are the exceptions.

I'm kind of tired .... but of course, I can't sleep... What else is new...?

I hope day 3 is better than today...