27. Someday when this is over,

we may still have no answer.

To be quite honest, I'm not in a good mood today and only one person knows why. Well maybe two. I feel a little out of it today. A lot has been going on in my life as of late. I try to talk to people about it but usually I bottle it up. I know that's not a good thing to do, but it's the only way to deal with things sometimes. Sometimes I feel like I'm walking on my own eggshells, waiting for some kind of explosion. I'm falling apart and I just need relief. Sometimes I wonder if I'll ever get relief.

I said that I would stop letting certain things affect my life, but I think it's gotten worse. School is being pushed aside because of these certain things. and I am not down with that. I remember once when I tried taking interest in something because it was something you enjoyed. And I talked about it to you, and you told me not to steal other people's ideas and call them my own. honestly? you're the one to talk. -.- It irks me so much when I see just how hypocritical you really are. Also, I wasn't claiming that they were MY ideas, I was simply stating things that I had read and thought they were interesting concepts. Sometimes I think you need to grow up [not saying that I don't need to.] Also, when I refer to someone on here by saying "you" it doesn't always mean you. In this case, it does mean you. Make sense? good.

Anyway, this weekend was eventful to say the least. My cousin got married on Saturday. They are such a cute couple, no joke. I only wish is that I were closer to her like I am with the rest of my cousins. Then after the wedding reception I left around 11:20pm, and went home and got ready to hang out with someone! :] He was visiting because his cousin also got married and I was fortunate enough to spend all night with him. It was a good night, for the most part. Even though I had to drive every where and back and I was trying to not be shy haha. thanks for making me feel more comfortable. Even with everything that happened, I'm glad I got to spend time with you. :] I just hope we get to hang out again soon.. and talk more.

...back to you, it always comes around, back to you.

I finally cut off the bracelet that I have been wearing for quite some time now. For those of you who don't know, this is a huge deal for me. To many of you a bracelet is just a mere material object; this is true, but what's also true is that this bracelet means a lot to me. It symbolizes a lot of things: a past relationship, the good/bad times, hurt, pain, love, happiness, a smile, a poem, a song, a kiss, a hug, holding hands, a night with him, a day with him, HIM. You. Three years, six months, one week, and one day of my life; our life. I'm not saying that I finally realized that this was it, that it's officially over. But to me, it means that I want to move on. I want to be happy again, truly happy. I'm not going to lie; I'm still hurt over it, but I'm ready for the pain to go away. I've been ready, but never enough to do something about it not until now. I'm no longer in love with you, I don't love you, I care for you immensely, but you're done running my life. "You hold me without touch, you keep me without chains" That's done; no more of that. I may have not been completely ready to take it off, but I needed it. I needed to take action and just do it. I need to move on. Completely & Whole-heartedly. I'm not going to wonder if you'll ever talk to me again. You can sit and wonder if I'll ever talk to you. I'm done.

-- Later Days.

[26] I can tell, I can tell how much you hate this ..

& deep down inside you know it's killing me. I can call, wish you well, and try to change this but nothing I can say would change anything.

mm. It's 6:12am. womp. I didn't go to sleep. but I'm starting to feel tired ;| My room was sorta messy, and I got irritated so I cleaned it pretty much. and then I took a shower! :].

Thursday was quite a busy day. I went to school at 2:30; we learned about various dead white men who thought the Sun and planets revolved around the Earth. [ie. Aristotle, Keplar and others that I can't remember at the moment] Then he let us out 40 minutes early! "woohoo" [HAHAHAHAHHAH, LORIS!] and then I went home and chilled for a bit. Thennnn I got ready for Annie's Birthday dinner at some KBBQ place in lakewood. It was alright, but it was also a bad idea to go before I went clubbing. I only wanted to stop by just for a little bit and then leave but I ended up staying for longer than I expected. No big, I had a good time with good people :] But like I said it was a bad idea to go there before clubbing. In order to eat KBBQ, you must go there with the intention of getting a little STANK. ;| I brought extra clothes, but I totally forgot about my hair. And do you know how hard it is to get out STANK in your hair?! [ie. bonfires, asian food places, KBBQ D; ] I tried to get the stank out and although it helped a little it still had that smell. at least it wasn't a horrible smell. HAHA. My cousins were saying things like "it'll attract the boys. like 'MMMM MEAT' " HAHAH these people. gotta love em. So yeah, I left early and went to Target for a quick second and hit up Incahoots in Fullerton for Elysse's Birthday. WOMP. for future reference: know the name of the promoters and go early. -.- SIGH. what a bust. I know I'm only 20 but I felt so old there. little 16 year olds running around! really?! the bouncer drew happy faces on my hand like this "=)" only cuter! that made me smile for some reason. I got in and had to look for Elysse cause her phone died. Found her dancing alone somewhere while the rest of her group stood around HAHA. it was cute. yay for drunk people. naht. I met some pretty lovely people. :]]] that's always nice. I danced and chilled some. dang my legs? SORE. real talk. ;| I was kinda bored cause they were all drunk or buzzed and so I didn't go crazy like they did lol. So I stopped dancing for awhile and just chilled a little babysitting of the drunk birthday girl. DANG CREEPERS. forreal. and then I just stood there for awhile a some cute guy bumped his shoulder into mine and then we danced! ;]]] smooth. that was fun. ;]]. and then we left around 1:30am ish, and chilled for a little outside some guy's house. [I don't remember his name, but it started with a G or maybe a J] and they drank a little and then we bounced. :] The end. :]]] although the club was kinda lame and not poppin' I had fun. :] I'm going to take you Loris. but somewhere better. hahah. :]]] IT'S ON OUR LIST! :]]] k.

I get pretty excited when you talk to me, even if it's just to say hi. :] That pretty much makes my day. Real talk. You're in town, but I don't get to see you. ;[ That's junk, but it's okay. I'll wait for a chance when I do get to see you, 'cause then it'll be THAT much better. :]

Good Morning Star Shine!
♥; - Janice.

[25] I wish I could rip out a page of my memory ..

'cause I put too much energy in him & me. Can't wait till I get through this phase 'cause it's killing me too bad we can't rewrite our own history... chances fading out, patience running out. This ain't how it's supposed to be.

Honestly, I don't know what to write. I don't really want to blog right now but I have nothing better to do. D; Summer school has started and I'm taking Astronomy: Stars and Galaxies. As much as I want to say that I'm enjoying it and learning a lot, it's actually kind of REALLY boring. Well at least most of it is. I guess the one thing that keeps me interested in this class is the fact that I can't wrap my mind around the fact that we're only a small PART of the galaxy, or whatever, that's just a smaller part of something else, something amazing. Nahmean?!That there's so much out there beyond what we actually see in the night [Well from what we CAN see that is. dang pollution.]. It's just really amazing. I sound like a total nerd probably. But think about it! GAH! It's mind boggling. ahah mind boggling.

Anyway, school isn't as stressful yet. but if you know me then you know I'm already stressing. In fact, I'm starting to have anxiety again. -.- I don't know what's wrong with me. Am I the only one that this happens to? I'm trippin'. straight up.

I've noticed that ever since I've started hanging out with Loris, I've started to pick up words and phrases that she uses. She's a freakin Gangster! Straight thuggin' OMG. okay she doesn't talk like that lol but she does talk pretty "gangster-ish". So I've picked up things like "straight up" and "mosdef" hahaha. I don't mean to but they just come out now!! [not that its a bad thing (: ] hahah it's just different. I mean before hanging out with her i would say things like "indeed" and other various proper things. now I feel somewhat thug. HAHAH so lame!!!! i love loris. :]]]]] <-- I know you're reading this and probably laughing. now let's go hunt for boys like the creepers we are!

So for awhile now, I've been having a little extra time on my hands. and the day before yesterday which would be Wednesday. I had nothing to do. So what did I do all day long? I read. Yup, I, Janice, do read. and I enjoy it. Very much so. I bought myself a bookshelf not too long ago, and I already need another one. Sometimes I purchase books, but I never get the chance to read them. And some time ago, I purchased some books by Dan Brown, but they were just sitting in my bookshelf collecting dust. Well on Wednesday I decided to read one of those books. It is entitled Digital Fortress. Sounds completely dorky and what not, but I happen to think that that may be my most favorite book by Dan Brown EVER. I've read The Da Vinci Code and Angels & Demons and they were REALLY good. but Digital Fortress?!?! I COULDN'T PUT THAT BOOK DOWN! Real talk. It was just filled with UGH.. I DON'T KNOW. AMAZINGNESS! It was one of those books that you just wanted to figure out what happens! Seriously? I wanted the book to end and go on forever. That's contradictory but FREAKIN UGH! I just kept reading and reading. I couldn't stop. My heart was racing, hands were shaking, and I was even biting my lip nervously. to the point where I started bleeding, no joke. I had to see what happened next! It was like.. woah slap in the face! IRONY! Good book! READ IT. :] I think I can die happy now. That was honestly a good book. Real talk. I LOVE SOLVING CODES. 8] And now I want to watch Angels and Demons! What's funny is that I was never allowed to read The Da Vinci Code or Angels and Demons, because of all the controversy over them. & being the pious Catholic my mom is, she said I couldn't read them. So while most kids rebel by going out late and never coming home, I rebel by staying home and reading. BAHAH. I'm so lame, but I wouldn't have it any other way.

Well, I'm done for the night. I think I'm going to go watch Transformers II with my favorites! I'll write about my clubbing adventure later! :]

Later Days!
♥; - Janice.

[24] I want to know your plans

& how involved in them I am ... You're what keeps me believing the world's not long dead. Strength in my bones & the words in my head--they pour out to paper; it's all for you. 'Cause that's what you do.

Summer break was okay. I caught up on sleep, sort of. I did a few fun things, a few not-so-fun things, and met some amazing people. My one goal for this summer was to get a job. Uh.. didn't happen. I know summer isn't over yet so I still have time but I'm not sure if I'll have time with school and such. My other goal? Well, I've started working on it. I could definitely do better, but at least I'm doing it, right? Right.

I feel like I just started my day, but its already 3:40pm. Ugh. I haven't really done anything today so it kind of feels like a waste of a day. I think I'm going to go to the gym after I write this. Yup.

My blogs still lack inspiration. Usually I only write at night when I can't sleep but I'm doing this now just to annoy Steve. :] hahhh.

So, this one is for him.

Dear Steve,
This isn't weird! [okay, maybe its a little weird. But I'm trying to open up! so maybe this is a good thing! geez.] And I won't give it up. I already gave up something else for you! I think that was better than this. :] Besides, how do you expect me to vent my feelings? Unless you want to call me and let me vent out to you while we have more awkward moments on the phone? In that case, I will give it up. =P Don't be mean to me! ;[ & CALL ME .... now. K? thanks.

♥-- Janice.

P.S. You did tell me your last name! hmph.

GYM.... NOW. bye.

Oh, and I'm intrigued. very.

[23] In the end,

everyone ends up being alone. Losing him, the only one who's ever known who I am, who I'm not, who I wanna be; No way to know how long he will be next to me. Lost and insecure, you found me. You found me, lying on the floor surrounded. Surrounded. Why'd you have to wait? Where were you? Where were you? Just a little late, you found me. You found me.

The Fray - You Found Me. Now that's real talk. Lately, I've been listening to songs that just basically describe things going on in my life. It's like these songs were written especially for me. They used to bother me, and I would immediately skip to the next song. But lately, not so much. I admit sometimes I feel a little nostalgic. But I'm okay. Things are tough, but things will be okay.

I've learned that people will come and go and things will change. There are only two things in this life that are constant: change and God.

Things will always change. I can either accept it or leave it. So far, I've been leaving it. To be honest, I can't stand change. It's hard for me to accept it and move on. This is why I hold grudges, why I can't forgive and forget. I never forget. I don't know.

The past is the past. I can't change it. I need to move on. I need to get on with my life. I'm tired of wondering "what if", tired of waiting, tired of hurting, tired of crying [although, I haven't cried in a good while. Still tired of it]. I'm just tired. I want to be happy. That's all. [but apparently that's too much to ask for]. It's okay, I'll be patient [me? patient? lol]. Got to learn.

I'm still out of wack with my faith. I mean.. I know He exists and everything but I don't know. My attendance at church has been iffy. I go, and then sometimes I don't go. I usually go by myself 'cause none of my siblings go anymore usually. and my parents go to our old Church because of the Vietnamese mass. So, I have to go on my own. and I mean there's nothing wrong with that. I actually enjoy going by myself. But I don't know. I don't know what's going on. I need to get back on track though. mos def. I find myself more sane when I go to church. I feel like everything going to be okay when I'm there. and I need that assurance. I need someone to tell me that it's going to be okay even if it's not. and He does that for me. sounds lame. but its true. He is my foundation; He is what holds me up; I need Him back in my life

I'm not sure what to write about anymore ... I'm definitely feeling out of it. I'm so sore. I can barely move. I went to the gym yesterday morning and I made the mistake of working out every area instead of focusing on one area like I was supposed to. and now I can't move. ;| and I did it again today fail. its okay. I've learned now. lol just gotta remember tomorrow only ONE area. I just want to sleep for ever.

Tomorrow I'm getting a Crown 'cause I'm a princess. :] NAHT. Momma says it don't hurt but I'mmmaaaa scared. lol AGHHHH. THERE ISN'T ENOUGH ROOM I TELL YOUUU. SIGHH. moving on.

I am a shy person. Thus, the reason why I don't particularly like talking on the phone. But lately, I've actually been enjoying it. :] Before, I hated talking on the phone. Sometimes, I would even just turn off my cell, just so that I wouldn't have to pick up/call anyone. and then that turned into .. I like talking on the phone... I just don't like talking. So someone would call me and we'd sit in silence! ahahha so lame. but i enjoyed it at the time and whoever called me put up with it because they were nice haha. :] Then, it progressed into ... "someone call me. I'll talk to you a little bit and you can talk the rest!" [this is all really lame-sounding, I know]. But lately, it's been different [wayyyyyy different]. I actually really enjoy talking on the phone now. It's usually guys though. I don't think I've held a phone conversation with a girl for more than 20 minutes ever. It's always been guys that I've talked to on the phone. I don't know why. I've always had a lot of guy friends. I mean I had a lot of girl friends too but I was always closer to more guys than girls [lisa/tina & some others were an exception]. I talk to a lot of guys on the phone [I'm not bragging, 'cause that would be lame, I'm just saying] & usually if willing I'll spill my guts to them. This is awkward for me. If you know me, then you know that I don't like opening up. But it's been easier. I enjoy it talking to them. Now its "Let's TALK on the phone all the time!". :]

"San Jose" calls me every now and then but he's the type to call me and we sit in silence or he'll do most of the talking. I talk sometimes, but I don't know. He's funny. It's sort of nice that he doesn't expect me to talk even if we're on the phone for 7 hours doing nothing. That makes me want to talk more :D uhm. k. I just like simple conversations. Tell me a joke. I swear I'll laugh.;[ Real talk. haha. This is a big change for me. So, let's conversate :] Call me now! :] <-- that reminded me Ms. Chloe the psychic reader. lol okay moving on.

I went to Kathleen's party yesterday. lol No one told me it was okay to come super late. I thought I was already late. PSH. anyway. It was fun. :] I got to see some of my old friends from high school whom I haven't seen/talk to in foreverrrrrr. and I got to meet new people! lovely people. :] YOU'RE A JERK!. :]

I'm tired of writing now. ;| This was a lame blog.

IT'S NOT MY FAULT. UGH.

I'm seriously tired of this shit, of your shit. Get over yourself. REAL TALK.

-- Janice ♥

PS. STEVE :] You're mean.

[22] Calm before the Storm.

I'm running around in circles; trying, contemplating, wondering.

Well, it's 6am. I have been awake for about two hours now. I cannot go back to sleep for some reason. I went to bed early last night; I think it was around 10pm. I don't know why I went to bed at that time, just tired I guess.

The last two days have been a bust. I had plans for Thursday and Friday but they were both canceled. It's cool though. Things happen. But I'm not gonna lie, I was kinda bummed. It's alright though, another time I guess, another time.

Tuesday was pretty fun; I did not go to sleep Monday night so I was pretty tired all of Tuesday. I went to the dentist and got my teets cleaned. and I took a small nap 12pm - 4pm [I guess that's not small but whatever ]. And then I got ready and went down to the Chronic Cantina in Newport Beach for Tina's birthday dinner and the game [I couldn't get in at first because it's a bar, and the guy wouldn't let me in. Eventually he let me in but threatened me that if he saw me with a drink in my hand he would kick me and the rest of the party out. Like I was going to drink anyway. -.-] So we ate a little and watched the game, then we headed out to Huntington Beach for a bonfire. It was freakin cold, but we kept adding wood to our fire; it was huge. We stayed there till about 10pm then headed over to DC's friend Mike's beach house in Newport Beach. We chilled there for a while they drank some.

According to DC, I am "blast from the past". We used to be pretty good friends in Jr. High. :] and High School was bleh we didn't talk much then. So, it was nice seeing him again. :] and Bryan Horton! :]] We go back to like elementary school days. I haven't talked to him in forever.

After that we left, and I went home! :] The End of Tuesday.

The rest of the week was a bust, but today I'm heading over to Kathleen's for her party. Shoot, I get to see all my high school friends again. I miss them. Jungle Theme? probably not gonna dress up, lol but sounds cute anyway! :]

My blogs hold no substance anymore. It's all just me telling you what I've been doing; not much feeling anymore -.- I have been lacking inspiration as of late. I don't know. I mean there's a lot going on in my head but I just don't feel like talking about it on here basically.. to myself? I don't know maybe just.. not yet at least. Hopefully, I get back on the inspiration grind again.

Speaking of grind, I need to work out. I'm feeling lazy, and not productive. Maybe I'll take a quick nap & go to the gym before I head over to Kathleen's. That sounds like a plan.

I think I have something to tell you. Can you keep a secret? Will you talk to me, just for one day? I know this sounds like an excuse, but I just need to talk. Just talk to me. I'll be waiting ...

-- Janice. ♥

PS. I miss you Randolph! :] & others.

[21] Drowning.

Back to you, it always comes around back to you.


5:48am. Cannot sleep, I even took pills last night to help me. Insomnia has pretty much taken over my life. It's gotten so bad that sometimes I can't function right during the day. Ugh, I just want to sleep forever. That sounds absolutely amazing. Of course, things do not really work out that way.

I feel so congested in both my sinus areas and my chest. I keep coughing [hurray for phlegm.. NAHT ]. I have so much I honestly do not know where it comes from! ;| womp. Ugh, I think the pills are kicking in like NOW. Too bad I cannot go to sleep. I have to get ready for a dentist appointment around 9ish. I mean its only 6am but I'll never wake up.

Also, it's Bac Thanh, Tina, and Kathleen's birthday today. Happy Birthday to all of you. :]]]

Bac Thanh, I miss you. I wish I could see you again. I'm sorry I never took you grocery shopping. It seems like only yesterday when you were still here. We miss you a lot, especially Huan. He's working really hard to make you proud. Come visit me in my dreams. Rest in Paradise. :]

This week is so .. packed with fun filled things! :] I'm excited.

Tina is having a beach/bonfire party thing today and I am contemplating whether or not I should go. I want to, but I'm not sure I'll be able to stay awake while driving. ;|But I haven't seen her in such a long time. :[ I miss her a lot. Maybe I'll go, just for a little bit. :]

Thursday I'm going to the Aquarium of the Pacific with Loris, Chris, and maybe Renabetter & Christops! :] how exciting. They're my favorites. YEY. I'm really excited. ahaha.

Friday, Tina is having a Birthday Dinner Party. :] The theme? I guess like Midsummer Night's Dream! That's cute. Fairies. lol. :] hahah I'm not sure I'll dress like a fairy, but okay! lol.

Saturday, Kathleen is having party at her house! :]] Her theme is Jungle Theme! :] that sounds like fun. I feel like.. rolling around in the dirt and stuff.. but.. NAHT. I don't think that has anything to do with the jungle... but whatever. lol :] I haven't seen Kathleen in the longest time. :] I miss her too.

Basically, I miss everyone [except a few ]. I haven't seen/talked to a lot of people in a long, long time.

Crap, I forgot what I was going to say. ;| Uh...

Ughhh I'm so sleepy now. -.-

Dear "You" -- I hope you are okay. I know you're stressed and everything but I'm just worried about you. I wish you would tell me what's wrong. But I understand why you can't/won't tell me. Just know that no matter what, good or bad, I am here for you. I know things are tough right now, but I'm still here by your side if you need anything. Shoot, I'll even drive all the way over there if you need me to. :] Call/text me if you need anything. :] miss you. mosdef.

Okay, brain is dead now. I need a nap. bye! Oh watch Law&Order:SVU! and watch the episode called Swing. Ugh I cried. its not even that sad. lol ;| lame.

One shot to your heart without breaking your skin; [20]

kept it inside didn't tell no one else; didn't even want to admit it to yourself;& now your chest burns and your back aches from fifteen years of holding the pain; & now you only have yourself to blame if you continue to live this way. Get it together.


8:15am. Bleh, I went to sleep at like 10:30pm last night and I woke up at 3am [Ugh. If you know me, you know that I hate that time.]. Lately, I've been waking up at that time and I am not sure why. Usually, I'll go back to sleep but I don't know, not tonight. I feel nauseous though, maybe cause I haven't eaten since Thursday, or I'm sleepy. whatever.

I'm also a little stressed [like always] because I haven't finished reading and I have yet to start my last essay for history. To be honest, I am not even sure what to write about. The professor let this essay be a "make up your own thesis" type of essay. So, it can be about anything along the lines of the book, Amistad. I am almost done with the book, I think I have like two more chapters or so left. & it's not like its a horrible book, it's actually REALLY interesting and I like reading it. I guess I am just lazy. Anyway, it's due on Sunday and it's already Saturday... CRAP. :[ -sigh.

I should stay home today and read and do my essay. Dangit! I know I should not be going to Loris' birthday party today, but.. shoot. I don't care. haha. I miss her! even though, I saw her at IAG on Thursday. hahah. :] Today is going to make up for the fact that I cannot go to Venice Beach on Sunday to go bicycling because I have to stay home and write my essay. BOO YOU SCHOOL. ugh. It's okay. I will go next weekend.

I miss "You". :[ I am going over there to visit soon. TRUST. I will, even if it kills me. lol. I WILL ;[

Anyway, I think I am going to take a nap before I start getting ready for the birthay party. :]

HAPPY BIRTHDAY
LORIS SAPRID!!!!!!!!!
:]! love you. ♥

-- janice♥

P.S. I miss you all of you. Except a few. :] BYE! :]

[19] This is my Winter Song to you ..

the storm is coming through; it rolls in from the sea. My love, a beacon in the night; my words will be your light, to carry you to me. Is love alive?


It's like 5:16am ish. I can't seem to sleep, although I did sleep for about 2 hours 1- 3am [just my luck to wake up at 3am, right? ]. I had a weird dream about my brother and his girlfriend, and some other odd people. It was just weird. I guess it was from watching Law & Order: SVU before going to bed, which btw I am watching right now [I love Eliott Stabler, mos def]. ;]

Anyway, I feel like I am at a crossroads at this point in my life. A friend asked me recently what I was going to school for. Like usual, I told him Graphic Design. And the next obvious question was, "Oh, for what?" My point exactly. For what? I really don't know. For a lot of things I guess. I kind of don't want to limit myself to only being a Graphic Designer. I want to be a creative director, a marketer, advertiser, stylist. I even want to open my own clothing line. The limits are endless, really. I mean I know I can be anything I want to be, but I guess I don't know how to get there. I guess you can say that I'm scared of my future. Shoot, I haven't gone to see my school counselor in over a year. I'm scared of discussing my future and finding out that maybe my desired career path is not realistic. I don't know. I guess another reason why I haven't seen my counselor is because well.. I'm not the greatest student. I don't get straight A's and I sometimes drop classes. I know, it sounds horrible and it is. I'm not gonna lie, I'm pretty pathetic at school. -.- I mean I try my hardest, but sometimes my hardest is not good enough. but who hasn't dealt with that. ...

----------

well I wrote that last night, but I'll try again. I still feel the same way. I mean my feelings and thoughts would not change after a day, right? Right.

Do you honestly think that I'm an idiot or something? You think that you can "hide" it from me. You act like you're protecting me. You are a selfish jerk. To go about things the way you've been going about them. You act like you're this amazing person, but you're not. You are a jerk. Ugh, I get nauseous just ugh. moving on.

On a good note, I had a good day today. or rather yesterday! :] I went to IAG again! :] Ray sang a cover of Gabe Bondoc's "Gentlemen Don't" and dedicated it to me♥ LOVE YOU RAY OF SUNSHINE ;]]] and I got to see Loris! and of course some amazingggg others. :]. I also got to meet some pretty amazing people as well. They were the type of people that make you feel good when you see them, even if you've only just met them! awesome. :] I had fun. Laughed a lot a lot tonight. Felt good, I needed it. ;] anyway.. I'm watching Law & Order: SVU again so I'm leaving, bye. :]

In the night I hear them talk the coldest story ever told .. [18]

somewhere far along this road she lost her soul to a man so heartless...


So, I did indeed have a nice long sleep! 15 hours to be exact! honestly... it felt BOMB. ugh I was so refreshed. The next night? .. not so much. haha. It's already 4:21am and I need to wake up early to study for my Human Sexuality Final. Will I do good? I hope so. I'm starting to stress a little, but only over history. And only because of the Essay. I have T-minus 4 days to write my paper. EEP. bad decisions you've made Janice. Good job.

Anyway, my throat is hella killing me. It hurts so bad. It's like swollen or something. Doctor? Maybe. I'm not sure. We'll see how I feel when I wake up.

Today, I could not help but let out a little laughter. Karma, at its best. Real Talk. As bad as I feel, part of me thinks it was well deserved. HAHAH. moving on.

I'm kinda really excited about this weekend?! Well I'm excited only if I finish my essay on time but whatever. Loris' Birthday Picnic on Saturday, and then Beach Cruisin/test drive a beach cruiser/remember how to ride a bike on Sunday! Hopefully. so far for calculations, 2 miles walking to get the bikes and 6 miles+ beach cruising. SOUNDS LIKE DEATH. hopefully I can do it. AHHA -.-

okay, I'll write more later. my throat is punching me in the neck. RIGHT!?. ugh. goodnight.

[17] Wish I Had The Courage..

to say everything I planned to..


I'm definitely feelin' Drake's album So Far Gone. :] especially the song Best I Ever Had [of course] and Let's Call It Off [hence the title.] It's good. He's good. MHM. :] I remember when he used to play Jimmy Brooks or something on Degrassi. hahah. :] It was like my FAVORITE show of all time. and I was sad when he was in the wheel chair. good show. Real Talk.

I'm kind of frustrated right now. Just how everything went down, definitely makes me look at you differently [and not in a good way]. I don't know. It's 12AM. Know what that means? It means that it's officially June. May is over. When May first came around I was hoping it would be a lot better than April. To be honest, it was okay. It had its ups and down. mos def. A lot of downs, but some good ups too. I got to talk to people that seriously make me smile but of course that means that I also got to talk to people that are huge downers in my life. But whatever. The past is the past and I just have to keep moving on. and I think I'm really okay with it now. Whatever ya know? You do what you do, and I'm going to do what I'm going to do. Life moves on. and I'm moving! :] SO ... I'm pretty effing tired. and I think I'm going to start off my June to a nice long SLEEEEEEEEEP. GOODNIGHT.

HAPPY JUNE! :]

..\\ // janiceOUT. :]

P.S. I miss a few of you. :] Especially Randolphin! and Lisa! and Tina! and a fewwwww others. ;]]]]] okay not like you guys read this but.. just thought i'd let the world know. lovee you.