The Fray - You Found Me. Now that's real talk. Lately, I've been listening to songs that just basically describe things going on in my life. It's like these songs were written especially for me. They used to bother me, and I would immediately skip to the next song. But lately, not so much. I admit sometimes I feel a little nostalgic. But I'm okay. Things are tough, but things will be okay.
I've learned that people will come and go and things will change. There are only two things in this life that are constant: change and God.
Things will always change. I can either accept it or leave it. So far, I've been leaving it. To be honest, I can't stand change. It's hard for me to accept it and move on. This is why I hold grudges, why I can't forgive and forget. I never forget. I don't know.
The past is the past. I can't change it. I need to move on. I need to get on with my life. I'm tired of wondering "what if", tired of waiting, tired of hurting, tired of crying [although, I haven't cried in a good while. Still tired of it]. I'm just tired. I want to be happy. That's all. [but apparently that's too much to ask for]. It's okay, I'll be patient [me? patient? lol]. Got to learn.
I'm still out of wack with my faith. I mean.. I know He exists and everything but I don't know. My attendance at church has been iffy. I go, and then sometimes I don't go. I usually go by myself 'cause none of my siblings go anymore usually. and my parents go to our old Church because of the Vietnamese mass. So, I have to go on my own. and I mean there's nothing wrong with that. I actually enjoy going by myself. But I don't know. I don't know what's going on. I need to get back on track though. mos def. I find myself more sane when I go to church. I feel like everything going to be okay when I'm there. and I need that assurance. I need someone to tell me that it's going to be okay even if it's not. and He does that for me. sounds lame. but its true. He is my foundation; He is what holds me up; I need Him back in my life
I'm not sure what to write about anymore ... I'm definitely feeling out of it. I'm so sore. I can barely move. I went to the gym yesterday morning and I made the mistake of working out every area instead of focusing on one area like I was supposed to. and now I can't move. ;| and I did it again today fail. its okay. I've learned now. lol just gotta remember tomorrow only ONE area. I just want to sleep for ever.
Tomorrow I'm getting a Crown 'cause I'm a princess. :] NAHT. Momma says it don't hurt but I'mmmaaaa scared. lol AGHHHH. THERE ISN'T ENOUGH ROOM I TELL YOUUU. SIGHH. moving on.
I am a shy person. Thus, the reason why I don't particularly like talking on the phone. But lately, I've actually been enjoying it. :] Before, I hated talking on the phone. Sometimes, I would even just turn off my cell, just so that I wouldn't have to pick up/call anyone. and then that turned into .. I like talking on the phone... I just don't like talking. So someone would call me and we'd sit in silence! ahahha so lame. but i enjoyed it at the time and whoever called me put up with it because they were nice haha. :] Then, it progressed into ... "someone call me. I'll talk to you a little bit and you can talk the rest!" [this is all really lame-sounding, I know]. But lately, it's been different [wayyyyyy different]. I actually really enjoy talking on the phone now. It's usually guys though. I don't think I've held a phone conversation with a girl for more than 20 minutes ever. It's always been guys that I've talked to on the phone. I don't know why. I've always had a lot of guy friends. I mean I had a lot of girl friends too but I was always closer to more guys than girls [lisa/tina & some others were an exception]. I talk to a lot of guys on the phone [I'm not bragging, 'cause that would be lame, I'm just saying] & usually if willing I'll spill my guts to them. This is awkward for me. If you know me, then you know that I don't like opening up. But it's been easier. I enjoy it talking to them. Now its "Let's TALK on the phone all the time!". :]
"San Jose" calls me every now and then but he's the type to call me and we sit in silence or he'll do most of the talking. I talk sometimes, but I don't know. He's funny. It's sort of nice that he doesn't expect me to talk even if we're on the phone for 7 hours doing nothing. That makes me want to talk more :D uhm. k. I just like simple conversations. Tell me a joke. I swear I'll laugh.;[ Real talk. haha. This is a big change for me. So, let's conversate :] Call me now! :] <-- that reminded me Ms. Chloe the psychic reader. lol okay moving on.
I went to Kathleen's party yesterday. lol No one told me it was okay to come super late. I thought I was already late. PSH. anyway. It was fun. :] I got to see some of my old friends from high school whom I haven't seen/talk to in foreverrrrrr. and I got to meet new people! lovely people. :] YOU'RE A JERK!. :]
I'm tired of writing now. ;| This was a lame blog.
IT'S NOT MY FAULT. UGH.
I'm seriously tired of this shit, of your shit. Get over yourself. REAL TALK.
-- Janice ♥
PS. STEVE :] You're mean.
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